Book 753: Voices of LGBTQ+ – Lynda Wolters

Uhhh…. A for effort?

I said yes to this one when the publisher reached out with a review copy way back in July (it’s been a long year obviously), because it sounded interesting and was nonfiction.*

I was obviously going to come into it with some bias, as a gay man I’m clearly going to have opinions, but I’m also going to come into it with a lot more education and history knowledge, holding an advanced degree in gender, sexuality, and queer theory. And frankly my thoughts are divided on this book. Did Wolters do a good job of starting a conversation and representing the individuals she interviewed? More or less. If I were judging the book solely on this she would’ve gotten four stars.

Did Wolters do so in a way that I think will be persuasive and or educational to those who aren’t as open to their child/relative/friend being LGBTQ+? Not so much. If I were judging the book on this she would’ve gotten 2-2.5 stars—so I split the difference

The biggest thing, by far for me, that Wolters missed with this book was the opportunity to make things local. She did a great job of this with the stories of the individuals she interviewed, but severely missed the mark by attempting to globalize the LGBT movement and falling into the very common trap when people first start talking/writing about LGBT history/movements of the “LGBT individuals have existed since the dawn of time.” I get it, I’ve been there, you should see some of the horrid papers I wrote trying to universalize LGBT individuals from undergrad, but I quickly grew out of that the more I read and the more I learned. This in no way diminishes the existence of individuals who today we’d lump into the alphabet soup that is today’s movement, but it acknowledges there have been a lot of changes in the last 50 years. (Of which Wolters glosses over with maybe 250 words.) The most disappointing and obvious overuse of this was at the very end of her book in the four-paragraph section “Learning from History”:

I do not know how to solve the problems at hand—the hatred, the segregation, the inequality, the violence—but this is a global issue that needs to be addressed and rectified. These issues are not new ones and are cyclical throughout history with other marginalized groups of people: the Jews, enslaved Africans, displaced tribal peoples, trafficked women, exploited children . . . the list is endless.” (142)

Instead of writing about the dozens of trans women of color (because yes, most of them are women) murdered each year in the USA she chose to write about the gay purge in Chechnya. Instead of focusing on the legal battles happening right now to strip marriage equality, strip LGBT protections, and other staples of the right-wing culture wars, she glossed over them and spent more time talking about the LGBT movement around the world or historical interpretations of one word in the bible, or the historical treatment of LGBT soldiers not giving any of them the space they deserve. (And often times have entire books dedicated to!)

I get it. Wolters was trying to place individuals within a larger global movement, but it just didn’t work and I think made the scope too big. The book would’ve been 100x more powerful if she would’ve spent more time exploring the individuals stories she interviewed OR focused on her relationship with her son, not doing attempting to do all of this and diluting everything. She also toed the line, never quite crossing it, with a bit of a savior complex—less so in a I’m going to save you by helping you personally, but more so I’m going to save you in sharing your story. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS WAS AT ALL HER INTENTION and I don’t think she ever crossed the line, but how close she got a few times really bothered me.

Following Stonewall, and with today’s instant media news, hate crimes against those in the LGBTQ+ community have become more visible. (130)

If she would’ve had an in-depth discussion with any of the individuals she interviewed and framed the book around that it would’ve had a lot more impact. She bypassed the first thing that most LGBT individuals know and that a major part of coming out plays a part in: when you personally know someone who is LGBTQIA+, there’s a chance you will be more accepting. It’s not a guarantee, as can be seen by the thousands of homeless youth, but it’s making the political personal and Wolters almost completely overlooked this and it was the proverbial elephant in the room.

There was a lot of conversation about mothers, perhaps because these young people lived mostly with their moms, or perhaps it was the mother-child bond that these young people were needing and not receiving. As a mom myself, I was shocked and saddened that the evening seemed to center around the failings of moms. (53)

All of this being said, overall, I thought she had a unique voice. It did annoy me at points, especially talking about her kids and 1,000% when she compared learning to call her one son Kowboy instead of the name she gave him at birth to a trans person choosing a new name, but I get it she was connecting her lived experience to everything she was learning. It may have been painful to read (as in awkward not traumatizing) at times, but do I believe there are parents or friends out there that will read this and get something out of it and did she nail somethings (shout out to the scarcity concept)? Absolutely. And this is why I started my response with the caveat that I’m not the target audience for this book.

Recommendation: I’m split on my response. I absolutely think it could be incredibly helpful for a parent or family member trying to come to terms with a loved one coming out, but I think it could’ve been done a lot better. Wolters has an approachable writing style that was an easy read, but that can’t overcome the fact that she fell into many of the common mistakes people make when first learning about the LGBTQ+ community and I think her work suffers because of that. She really missed the opportunity to make it personal in an attempt to talk about a diverse global movement, when that could be the one thing that needs to click for someone to be more open or accepting of a loved one.

*I received a copy of Voices of LGBTQ+ from the publisher in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “Dear Mom and Dad, I have to tell you something.”

Closing Line: “And just maybe, it may bring together a family otherwise divided by sexual orientation or gender identity.” (Not whited out as this is a work of nonfiction.