Book 1,052: Supercommunicators – Charles Duhigg

I’ve read a few books by Charles Duhigg and in all honesty The Power of Habit, the first I read of his, was the best and the rest have felt like attempts to recapture the success that one had. That being said, when the publisher reached out with a copy of this one I said “Sure, why not?”*

I work in communications and I’m always interested in how others see it and what the latest trends/fads/ideas are. In reading this, I found that I do quite a few of the things Duhigg observes the best communicators do, so that was reassuring. Duhigg takes a look at communications from across all walks of life from FBI interviewees (both HR and interrogation), lawyers, simple spousal conversations, group interviews, jury proceedings, television shows, and so many other examples.

He attempts to classify and catalogue what it is that makes these various settings unique, but the communicators universal. Whether or not he’s successful is up for debate. I guess that depends on whether you view this as a how-to guidebook or a showcase. If it’s the latter, then sure it’s successful, if it’s the former then maybe not so much. Duhigg identifies what they do, but a lot of it feels like oh it’s in their being, they just have the supercommunicator factor and others don’t.

The one exception, for me at least, felt like when Duhigg name checks Harvard Negotiation Project and their book Getting to Yes. I’ve read this book, and it is slightly more applicable to real world application than this one because it better (or maybe just more clearly) dissects what makes a good negotiation and how to apply it universally to other negotiations.

Don’t get me wrong, this book is well written and researched, and clearly edited well, it just felt a little too on the surface for me. I think I either wanted more direct application like his first book, or more in depth examples, like walk me through EVERYTHING.

One of the reasons supercommunicators are so talented at picking up on how others feel is because they have a habit of noticing the energy in others’ gestures, the volume of their voices, how fast they are speaking, their cadence and affect. They pay attention to whether someone’s posture indicates they are feeling down, or if they are so excited they can barely contain it. And they allow themselves to match that energy and mood, or at least acknowledge it, and thereby make it clear they want to align. They help us see and hear our own feelings in their bodies and voices. By matching our mood and energy, they make it obvious they are trying to connect. (Chapter 4)

The above quote I think was probably the one that stood out most for me. It highlighted that in order to be a good communicator you have to be a good observer—and I couldn’t agree more. Duhigg talked about this and how it goes beyond just the conversation you’re in immediately. Observations before, during and after are all important and this is one of the major parallels between Supercommunicators and Getting to Yes.

There was also one line that really annoyed me and I’m not really sure why:

Sometimes, simply reminding ourselves that we all contain multitudes can shift how we speak and listen. (Chapter 6)

I know it’s from the Walt Whitman poem and I still occasionally think about Henstra’s We Contain Multitudes, but for some reason just having this thrust into a chapter about anti-vaxxers really upset me. It undid all the work Duhigg had done to show how conversations can go with those that are super entrenched in something that may be completely opposite ideological to your beliefs. And rather than ending on a don’t be f*cking stupid trust science, he ended on that.

Recommendation: Overall, it’s a decent read. It wasn’t quite what I wanted, but it was about what I was expecting. The breadth of examples Duhigg covers, left me wanting a little bit more on each of them. Seriously, each could probably be their own book versus a chapter or sub-chapter of this book. It also would’ve made the book a little more powerful if there were more definitive statements and fewer perhapses. Duhigg continues to do what he does with well researched and well written ideas that have impact across sectors in an approachable and easy-to-read manner.

*I received a copy of Supercommunicators via NetGalley in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “If there was one thing everyone knew about Felix Sigala, it was that he was easy to talk to.”

Closing Line: “Conversations about identity are what reveal these connections and allow us to share our full selves.” (Not whited out as this is a work of nonfiction.)

Additional Quotes from Supercommunicators
“When we match someone’s mindset, a permission is granted: To enter another person’s head, to see the world through their eyes, to understand what they care about and need. And we give them permission to understand—and hear—us in return.” (Chapter 1)

“Perhaps the correct approach wasn’t trying to put yourself in ‘someone else’s shoes.’ That, after all, was impossible. Rather maybe the best you can do is ask questions. Ask about people’s lives, about what they’re feeling, about their hopes and fears, and then listen for their struggles, disappointments, joys and ambitions.” (Chapter 3)