Book 1,042: Getting to Yes – Roger Fisher, William Ury, & Bruce Patton

This was the last book I had to read as I wrapped up my master’s degree earlier this year. It was part of the negotiation course it was written for many years ago and we were taught by members of the negotiation project (but not these authors). Reading it for a course made this a bit more of a slog than it probably would’ve been. We only had to read roughly half of it so I was like may as well finish it out. If I would’ve picked this up on my own, I probably would’ve read through it a lot faster.

There was nothing too groundbreaking in my reading this, having read so many other books/essays/pieces about negotiation and interpersonal communication, but I imagine when it was first released in 1981 it was truly a groundbreaking work! So, what really “saved” it for me was the final line of the book, where the authors say negotiation isn’t a one-size-fits-all, take from this book what you need to improve your own skills and remember the rest to learn what your opposition wants/is doing.

These two quotes stuck with me from early on in the book:

The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess. It is not enough to know that they see things differently. (25)

Thinking of negotiation as a two-person, two-sided affair can be illuminating, but it should not blind you to the usual presence of other persons, other sides, and other influences. (49)

They both really just highlight that even if it’s just two people negotiating there are so many others involved and there can be so many more sides and interests than just the two immediately represented. Each party brings their own history, priorities, cultures, and styles, as well as goals to the conversation.

The other things I took from the book were what to do as you near the end of negotiations:

Be generous at the end. When you sense you are finally close to an agreement, consider giving the other side something you know to be of value to them and still consistent with the basic logic of your proposal. Make clear that this is a final gesture; you do not want to raise expectations of further concessions. Such an improved offer can sometimes break through any last-minute doubts and clinch the deal. (179)

The more you try for, the more you are likely to get. Studies of negotiation consistently show a strong correlation between aspiration and result. Within reason, it pays to think positively. (183)

And that was probably one of the biggest critiques I had of the syllabus and my class, was that there wasn’t enough about post-negotiation. What to do with the feelings (elation/frustration/apathy) after a negotiation finished. We talked all about getting to a result, but not about what happens if you find out later the results were not at all in your favor or that you completely shafted the other side. The authors could 100% release another updated version with a what happens next. Maybe someone else has already done that, but it wasn’t mentioned in class and that was one of my biggest pieces of critique of the class and the book.

Fun Fact! For the life of me I could not remember the acronym BATNA (“Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement”) in class, so I just gave up and called it a BAFTA and everyone just figured out that’s what I was trying to say and went with it.

Recommendation: This was an interesting read and the stories and negotiations covered as examples were broad and diverse. I can imagine just how groundbreaking this was when it was first published. There were so many tidbits that anyone could take away, you don’t have to be a professional negotiator or even negotiate as part of your job! Many of the examples could be used with kids/partners/family members. For the most part, the examples were pretty diverse, but if they were to update it again, I think they could find even more diverse/representative examples of how the world has changed.

Opening Line: “We simply cannot rely on giving orders—even when we are dealing with employees or children. To get what we want, we are compelled to negotiate.”

Closing Line: “Cut and fit what we say until you find an approach that both makes sense and is comfortable for you. This may require experimentation and a period of adjustment that is not so comfortable, but in the end, you are likely to maximize your negotiation power if you believe what you say and say what you believe.” (Not whited out as this is a work of nonfiction.)

Additional Quotes from Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
“Hierarchies tend to bottle up conflict, which comes out into the open as hierarchies give way to networks.” (Loc. 153)

“Negotiation is a basic means of getting what you want from others. It is back-and-forth communication designed to reach an agreement when you and the other side have some interests that are shared and others that are opposed (as well as some that may simply be different).” (Loc. 306)

“Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties.” (4)

“Ultimately, however, conflict lies not in objective reality, but in people’s heads. Truth is simply one more argument—perhaps a good one, perhaps not—for dealing with the difference.” (24)

“Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not involved in the process, they are unlikely to approve the product.” (29)

“Pay attention to ‘core concerns.’ Many emotions in negotiation are driven by a core set of five interests: autonomy, the desire to make your own choices and control your own fate; appreciation, the desire to be recognized and valued; affiliation, the desire to belong as an accepted member of some peer group; role, the desire to have a meaningful purpose; and status, the desire to feel fairly seen and acknowledged.” (32)

“The basic problem in a negotiation lies not in conflicting positions, but in the conflict between each side’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears.” (42)

“If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later . . . You will satisfy your interests better if you talk about where you would like to go rather than about where you have come from.” (54)

“Principled negotiation produces wise agreements amicably and efficiently. The more you bring standards of fairness, efficiency, or scientific merit to bear on your particular problem, the more likely you are to produce a final package that is wise and fair.” (84)