This was an adorable angsty follow-up to Barakiva’s One Man Guy. I feel like he could choose an emotion and keep going with Alek and Ethan exploring what that emotion means to the two of them and how it changes their relationship.
Hold My Hand picks up roughly five months after the end of One Man Guy, and Alek is facing fears of how and when they’ll take their relationship to the next level physically and honestly, it’s endearing and horrifying and hilarious all at the same time. (Seriously, read the second quote in the more quotes. DIED.) The rest of this will contain spoilers so stay out if you don’t want to know the main plot point and what happens.
Barakiva explains why he wrote this book in the afterward in that a fan (I think) said they wanted to see Alek and Ethan break up and get back together again. And boy do they in this book (see the previous comment about angst).
One of his favorite things about being with Ethan was that they held hands everywhere and anywhere—in suburban malls, New York City subways, at family or school functions. He knew there were places in the country, and certainly the world, where it was still dangerous to be gay, let alone show it publicly. And although they’d certainly gotten their share of obnoxious looks and even comments, Alek treasured living in a place where he didn’t have to pretend to be someone else and having a boyfriend who was never scared to show the world who he was. (80)
Barakiva spends the first part of the book reminding the reader how adorable Alek and Ethan are, like legit swoon-worthy. Alek, however, is feeling restless and alone because he’s a virgin and doesn’t understand how it works, and doesn’t feel like he has anyone to talk to about it all. This all leads up to Alex’s birthday when the infamous Remi (Ethan’s first boyfriend).
It’s pretty glaring what happens if you’re not a teenager in their first couple of relationships, but it didn’t make it any easier to read. Alek encourages Ethan to go to a party with Remi out of guilt because he hasn’t been able to cross the physical boundary he’s set for himself. Ethan cheats on him which we find out later.
The scene where Alek realizes that Ethan cheated on him, immediately after they’ve said ‘I love you’ to each other for the first time, is heart-wrenching and your pulse picks up and you lose your breath as Alek flees through the city and slowly makes his way home. They ultimately get back together after a couple of tries, but the relationship is different and Ethan’s big reveal of you’re the love of my life moment was just perfect.
I was torn when it came to Alex outside of his relationship with Ethan. While doing Armenian Saturday school (language and history) he ends up hanging out with Arno who comes out to him after a bit of a contrived incident. Not going to lie I was like ‘OMG THEY CAN BE SUPER ARMENIAN TOGETHER AND HAVE ADOPTED ARMENIAN BABIES AND IT’S GOING TO BE ADORABLENESS ALL OVER,’ but that isn’t how the story worked out. What Arno says at the end after Ethan shows up at church to support Alek for Christmas Eve service was again gut-wrenchingly sad, but beautiful.
Holding hands now made something perfectly clear to Alek: that what he wished he could make the reverend father, his parents, and all those well-meaning straight people understand was that he and Ethan would never really have the privilege of holding hands as a neutral gesture. The act, taken for granted by people all over the world, would never be just that for him and Ethan. Part of him mourned that possibility—of never knowing what it would mean to perform that act unitalicized. (257)
Even with all of this, the best part of the book was Alek’s family. His brother Nik and his parents both have separate conversations with Alek that help them understand who he is as a person and how vital loving who he loves is to him. And seriously, the scene on Christmas Eve after everything Alex had been through legit had me tearing up. Not only did his family stand up for him when Nik pulled his stunt, but Arno was the first voice even though he knew his parents would disapprove. It was just one of those big swells of emotion that you can’t contain.
Recommendation: What a great follow-up to One Man Guy. I didn’t appreciate this as much when I was reading it, I was 100% team Arno because ADORABLE, but the way it ended and the way Ethan and Alek had to grow separately and together was really well written. I can’t fault the ending or the writing because Barakiva made me want both sides of the coin and could only go with one. I do wonder where Alek and Ethan will end up after Ethan goes to school so maybe he’ll give us one last book in the series to tie it all together!
Opening Line: “Kissing Ethan. Kissing Ethan rocked.”
Closing Line: “Kissing Ethan. Kissing Ethan rocked.” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)
Additional Quotes from Hold My Hand
“He didn’t need or even want the approval of people who chose to live in a close-minded world.” (37)
“‘Are you going to Armenianize every one of my euphemisms?’
‘I’m the innocent virgin here, okay? Is it such a crime to use words that make me feel more comfortable?'” (105)
“‘Sex is funny like that, isn’t it?’ Alek mused. ‘Nothing else lives in this weird nebulous world of knowing and not knowing. It’s the opposite of school. Like, take the quadratic formula. You’re in geometry, you learn that there’s a way to discover the variable in a quadratic equation and the mystery is both introduced and solved in one day. But with sex it’s like this thing that you know exists in the world, but it’s clouded in your brain, sort of taking form but mostly obscured behind clouds. I wonder how many people don’t even know what sex is before they have it.'” (109)
Thanks for this great and thoughtful review. And (spoiler) Arno may or may be a character in my next book…