Book 786: No Blanks, No Pauses – Shelly McNamara

When the publisher reached out to me about this I immediately knew I was going to say yes (even if it took me a few days to get around to telling them).* I’m always interested in LGBT individuals’ personal journeys to where they are today and when the subject line was “Chief Equality & Inclusion Officer at Procter & Gamble Publishes Inspiring Memoir on Living an Authentic Life”, of course I was in!

I knew nothing about Shelly McNamara and the only thing I knew about P&G, aside from all the random products of theirs I use, is that they have a big neon sign in Boston on a building (I think it’s a museum?), so I went in blind which isn’t anything new for me.

The book is really built around her big coming out speech at a big P&G event, the text of which you can read in Chapter 6, and it was wonderful. As I was reading it at the time I kept saying “give me the speech” because I just wanted to read it, but looking back having the text of the speech later in the book really worked better. McNamara was able to slowly build the tension (even though we know it works out well for her) to a breaking point and then revealing her philosophy:

When LGBT people take energy to hide who they are or how they live life, we waste time, energy, and capability. We miss relationships. We miss connections. We miss creating something together. It all translates to loss. There is tremendous loss for us as human beings. There is tremendous loss for P&G as a company. There is tremendous loss for those around us. It’s quite simple—when people hold back who they are, it’s a loss for all of us. (73)

We got a taste of this early on and I could not help but identify with everything she wrote about. I didn’t come from nearly as large a family (I have a sister, she had 14 brothers and sisters) and I came of age a couple of decades after her but the stresses she talks about in hiding a piece of yourself even when you didn’t know what it was were definitely there.

By my late twenties, I had developed a deep and specific anxiety. My anxiety was rooted in a fear that family, friends, and work colleagues would find out that I was gay. I was very selective, sharing the fact that I was gay with few people. My fear was well-founded—the culture around me and the narratives I heard throughout the ’80s and early ’90s were very homophobic. This fear drove me to singularly pursue external validation as a sort of distraction, or maybe a form of insurance that would guarantee others’ love for me even after they discovered this aspect of my identity. Running from myself and taking energy to hide a core part of my identity cost me greatly. (26)

Thankfully, mostly due to out individuals, like McNamara, I haven’t ever had to be in the closet in my professional career. It also doesn’t hurt that I live in Massachusetts, which has almost always been on the forefront of LGBTQ+ rights and equality, AND I have had the opportunity to work under LGBTQ+ professionals in various organizations.

I felt McNamara wove her personal story really well into her professional story, with the former having more impact on me as I read the book. She also wove in her poetry throughout the memoir and I’m not sure if it worked. I’m not the best judge of poetry, most of the time I just don’t get it, so take or leave that comment. Of the slightly over two dozen poems only one real stood out to me:

Next Time

Next time—you might regret
The times you walked past me
The times you looked away

Next time—I might not be here
To hear your sorrows
To forgive your regrets
To heal your wounds

Next time—you might really miss me
Because I may be gone

We might not have a next time (68)

And I don’t even know why it stood out to me. Maybe the regret? Maybe the threat or the ultimatum you can read into it that many LGBTQ+ individuals have to give to their family or friends of you accept me as I am or you won’t see me anymore. I really don’t know. Personally, I could take or leave the poetry since it didn’t add much for me, but you could tell she was passionate about it and I found the lead into or out of a poem to be more compelling than the actual poems themselves.

Recommendation: What a fascinating glimpse into the life of a high-profile LGBT individual—all I can say is I wish it were longer! I found her personal story incredibly engaging and would absolutely read a full-length memoir from her. There were so many things that felt glossed over in order to connect directly to her career and this read as more of a “Best of . . .” to get to the HR/professional development of the importance of being out than a memoir, but I did thoroughly enjoy it.

*I received a copy of No Blanks, No Pauses from the publisher in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “I am a daughter, sister, aunt, mother, wife, storyteller, and ‘out’ business leader at one of the largest Fortune 500 companies in the world.”

Closing Line: “I hope that you, the reader, discovered something in these pages that supports you on your journey. I hope you are inspired to bring more love into the world. I believe that my life’s purpose is to open hearts, open minds, and build connections that heal the world. My sense is that the world could use more love and healing right now. Don’t you?” (Not whited out as this is a work of nonfiction.

Additional Quotes from No Blanks, No Pauses
“Soon enough, I would truly forgive my father, and I hoped that my brothers and sisters did the same. I forgave because the hurt was too difficult to carry. I forgave because I saw the deep regret in his eyes and in his written word. I forgave because I didn’t want the rage and anger to live on in another generation. I forgave because I didn’t want to risk choosing alcohol as a way to numb anger. Only then could I feel the peace and calm that comes with forgiveness.” (46)

“Everyone deserves to have hope and happiness. To believe that they can have the life they want—to have the love they feel acknowledged and seen as valid and valuable. It is time to open hearts and minds to create space for everyone to live the lives they were meant to live. I believe that who we are—our unique natures, strengths, insights, and gifts—is so much more powerful and relevant than any label someone can throw at us or on us. Labels limit. Love expands.” (118)