This one was a little more of the original Heidi Cullinan I read a few years ago, but a bit more balanced. I figured I may as well finish out the Love Lessons series and they were available from my local library digital download so here we are.
Whereas in Love Lessons, the sex scenes don’t start for some time, they kick off early in this one because the two protagonists hook up after they’ve graduated high school before they head off to college. Similar to book one, you’ve got one more experienced if jaded protagonist, Giles, who’s faced bullying and assault in high school and is dying to get out of town and his hookup Aaron, deeply closeted and dealing with overbearing parents.
This book (and the follow up) can be summed up in pretty much one quote:
A riff-off? Are you serious? Karen, sometimes I feel like all we’re doing is alternating between Glee and Pitch Perfect. (148)
Acapella groups run the school Aaron and Giles attend. Giles chose it because it had an orchestra and Aaron chose it, somewhat creepily, because he realized he was gay after their hook up and he really liked Giles, but couldn’t figure out how to talk to him.
We get a pretty early reference to Walter from book one when Aaron is moping around his dad’s law firm over the summer where Walter happens to be interning. Walter has grown up a lot in the few months since we last saw him and is a great uncle type figure throughout this book and the next.
The first half revolves around the drama when Giles realizes Aaron is at the same school. There are a lot of cold shoulders and angry glares, but eventually they’re forced into working together to help rearrange music for the new all-female acapella group and before they know it they’ve realized they’re actually friends.
He wasn’t alone. He was lonely, but he wasn’t alone. He wasn’t quite sure how the distinction worked out yet, but it felt important, and for now that was enough. (130)
Aaron’s character was by far the most engaging, but also the hardest to read. He’s so lonely and overwhelmed with life and feelings it was hard to read. I felt exhausted by time I got to the end of the book. The key turning point of the novel is when Aaron’s parents kick him out of the house and don’t even allow him to take his shoes. It wasn’t 100% unexpected, but it was definitely traumatizing to read it and experience it. Of course, Giles and his family were there to support him, but Walter and Kelly come in as well and Walter shares his experience with his mom and how he wasn’t a great guy and I legit was crying while reading it.
There was also a fascinating subplot with Aaron’s roommate Elijah, who we find out has been using Grindr to prostitute himself out while he’s been projecting a super fundamentalist religious persona. We get a lot of his background toward the end of the novel which ultimately leads to a showdown with Aaron and his father and Elijah and his father on campus in which someone gets shot and it leads directly into the next novel where Elijah finds love.
Other things I really liked about this novel were how Cullinan writes about gender and sexuality:
Orientation is not a line in the sand, and that’s the next big wave coming: generations of young people facing their childhood same-sex friends and considering them potential lovers because it’s not total social death to do so anymore. It’s not always going to be pretty, either. (48)
And the mundanity of being gay in the world and how much representation matters to someone just coming to terms with their sexuality:
The bar was a cute little dive, rough around the edges yet overflowing with people. He took heart, too, that when he got up to use the bathroom, he passed a rowdy group of guys wearing matching football jerseys, watching a game and flirting with waitresses . . . all except for a male couple in the group holding hands. There was something about the normality of it all: guys watching football, some of them gay. Most of the guys were bruisers, but one of the boyfriends was slight and elegant, not a typical football guy at all. Yet everyone included him like he belonged. (212)
Cullinan does a great job of writing character AND plot driven novels where yes there are steamy sex scenes, but they’re not the one thing that stays with you when you’re done reading. Sure, I’ll remember the first time Giles and Aaron walk-the-walk on versatility and even their drunken hookups with others, but not as detailed as I’ll remember the loneliness Aaron faces or the sheer terror of all the characters when the shooting happens. Cullinan is definitely in my pantheon with Annabeth Albert and I’m sad to have missed out on her work for the past few years because of an unprofessional publisher.
Recommendation: This one was hard to read—not because it was bad, it was really good—but because the characters were so real. I definitely teared up on multiple occasions and could easily see going back and re-reading this series in the future and spending more time to luxuriate with it. And, bonus for me, Cullinan continued to write wonderful minor characters which really rounded out the novel and made it that much better!
Opening Line: “On his eighteenth birthday, Aaron Seavers navigated the sea of college brochures scattered across his comforter, searching for a future capable of pleasing his father without crushing his own soul.”
Closing Line: “How amazing it already was.” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)
Other Books in Love Lessons
Additional Quotes from Fever Pitch
“This was how Aaron met Walter Lucas. Walter was an intern from the University of Minnesota.” (44)
“You shouldn’t be this unhappy, Aaron. Nobody should. If your life makes you this miserable, change it.” (130)
“That was when Giles realized what the friend part of boyfriend was—he wanted to protect Aaron, make everything okay. Not just like he did for Min, but . . . more. To know his partner so well he knew not only when he was upset but how to make the hurt go away.” (135)
“‘Pizzicato? Sure.’ He plucked a few arpeggios, stomach flipping at the way it made Aaron smile. ‘Now the question is, do you want something classical and official, or do you want me to make you giggle when I play “TiK ToK” pizzicato?’
Aaron burst out laughing. ‘Shut up. Seriously?’
Giles grinned. ‘I’ll consider that a request for Ke$ha.”‘ (140)
“Aaron put the phone down on the bed beside him, glaring at it and thinking it was pretty damn rude to tell someone to put the brakes on their potential relationship as you hung up to get laid.” (145)
“The only way you do life wrong is by living out someone else’s expectations instead of your own. Listen to the song in your heart, son. It won’t ever steer you astray.” (147)
“Even if you and Giles weren’t romantically involved, we would never turn away a young man in need. But since you are dating my son, you’ll receive more attention, I have to confess. Giles cares for you a great deal. Taking care of you is taking care of my son’s heart, so you’re precious to me. Feed that to your brain, because you might find later the knowledge is a great comfort.” (222)’
“Sometimes we need a place to be completely safe, somewhere boring that isn’t about sex or adventure or wild hairs. I am that place for you. As long as you want it, for ten minutes or ten hours or ten thousand years: I am your safe place. No matter what happens, no matter who leaves you or hurts you. I am your safe place.” (228)
“Sweetheart, if your father threatened to kick you out of the house with a grand in your pocket and a car waiting on a pleasant day in July, I’d deck him before he finished the sentence.” (228)
“You can’t let social symbols define you, but you shouldn’t stifle your life by wrapping yourself up in too much effort to show you’re politically correct, either.” (230)
“Son, I have to tell you, only a little of this is about you. The rest of it is people being people. Everybody needs a safety net. Some people don’t have any net at all and have to knit their own. You don’t. That’s not something to doubt. That’s something to celebrate.” (232)
“He had always felt so lonely, and he still did—except with so many people around him, he began to understand lonely wasn’t about how many people were with him, about who loved him or hated him. It was about who he was inside. All his feelings were too sharp, too heavy.” (240)
“The life you’re meant to lead is worth fighting for. Worth crying for, even worth bleeding for. When you sing the right song, your life opens before you, and all the pain and sorrow become the bricks you build your castles with.” (292)
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