Book 646: How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom – S.J. Goslee

How is it that each one of these I read is able to best the last? Don’t get me wrong, they’re not all perfect, some have plot holes and others need better copy editors, but in general they just keep getting better.

I put this one on hold at the library at some point, probably around the same time I read Bloom, and it came in recently so of course I decided to read it ASAP. What I wasn’t expecting was for this to be a sort of mash-up of all the teen rom-coms I grew up with (think 10 Things I hate About You, She’s All That, Clueless and even I’m pretty sure some Pretty in Pink or 16 Candles.

This is the story of Nolan Grant, a misfit partially because he’s lazy and partially because he’s had a rough life, and how he got a date to prom. It’s full of over-bearing sisters, fake dating, youthful hijinks, miscommunication, and ultimately an aww moment that once again made me squeal like a 14-year-old.

I’m not going into the plot too much because I think the movies I listed do a pretty good job of telling you what it is. If anything, I wanted more Dave, a random minor character who seemed to be reading all the best books at the best times including Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Jane Eyre at some point.

Nolan’s character was obviously the most well developed, but this worked against Goslee on a few occasions in that she seemed to want it to be stream-of-conscious, but didn’t fully commit. She did have some great one liners from him.

“I think motorcycles are rad in theory, but in reality should only be used for road trip movies and gay porn. Or by people who are not me.” (90)

“I can acknowledge the odds of that happening are slim, but my best friend should be supporting my delusions.” (120)

“The lack of underwear is especially difficult in gym, and I get some shit for jamming myself into a bathroom stall to put my shorts on. There’s still a high likelihood of flashing everyone my balls with the hemline they make us work with, but at least I avoid any shirt-snapping of my bare ass. Guys are fucking weird, and gym is a special kind of hell.” (175)

As the book wound down, even though Nolan told us exactly what was going to happen, I couldn’t help but root for it even harder. It’s not like it wasn’t going to happen, these books have a formula and it was 99% of the way there, but I still had to clutch my pearls and gaze wistfully into the middle distance and sigh.

“I say, ‘Well, it’s almost like we have, right?’ Are we still talking about kissing? I think we’re still talking about kissing, but Bern smells like chocolate chip cookies and bad decisions, and he doesn’t even have to reach up to press our mouths together.” (161)

There seemed to be a lot of side stories and minor characters that could’ve been written out of the story to make it a lot smoother and to give more time for the Grant love triangle, but they weren’t.

Recommendation: Worth a read. It could’ve used some tighter editing. The characters were believable and even though the novel was full of teen movie tropes (and even mentions them on numerous occasions), it worked.

Opening Line: “Spring renewal comes with many things—the annual Sheffield Family Lawn Game Tournament, my part-time job at the Talbot plant nursery, an inexplicable increase in dick drawings on the outside of my locker.”

Closing Line: “‘All right, Grant,’ Bern says with a small, soft laugh. He gestures with our joined hands down the front path. ‘Let’s go.'” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)

Additional Quotes from How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom
“It’s possible that I’ve had it bad for him ever since he innocently helped me pick up my books and papers when my bag split open in the middle of the hallway between classes our first week in. It could’ve been a meet-cute. I had embarrassingly vanilla fantasies about sitting together in class, at lunch, hanging out at each other’s houses after school—Evie must never know about them. But meet-cutes don’t happen outside Hallmark movies that I definitely, absolutely don’t watch.” (12)

“Googling “How to fake date”—since I obviously have no idea how to real date, either—brings up a treasure trove of fanfiction that I bookmark for later, but is otherwise unhelpful.” (64)

“I have an appreciation for art that sometimes includes the absurd, but my outfits are born out of incredible laziness, not any sense of style. All my ugliness is a side effect of being too tired to care.” (67)

“All I’ve learned so far—from my various, entirely reliable sources—is that fake dating involves a lot of hand-holding in public, hurried passionate kisses when cornered, and accidental bed sharing when there are no extra rooms at the inn.” (75)

“Who moves like that at seventeen? Like an eel or a snake or a cheetah, when I haven’t even fully grown into my puppy paws yet and have the talent of being able to trip over thin air. Truly, it’s unfair.” (91)