Book 948: Patricia Wants to Cuddle – Samantha Allen

What a wonderfully weird novel. When this landed in my inbox from the publisher I first thought WTF is that because the cover art screams pulp fiction and as much as I find those hilarious I’m not usually drawn to them. However, I’d decided I wanted to expand my LGBT novel repertoire, and knowing this featured lesbian/bisexual female protagonists I said sure why not.*

Billed as a satire of The Bachelor, Patricia Wants to Cuddle takes place in the final two weeks of The Catch‘s season with four female finalists and the catch going to the San Juan islands off the coast of Washington state. While it is that, it’s also a final girl thriller novel with murder and mystery and urban legends aplenty to keep the reader engaged.

The book was a little bit of a struggle to get into, but I’m 80% certain it was the result of the bad formatting from my NetGalley download (it’s amazing how much formatting matters). I couldn’t see when the next section was (there were only three I think) and every subheading was messed up making the first sentence hard to read until I figured out the pattern.

Aside from that, all of the characters are written to be at the very least annoying AF, and for the most part despicable. They’re all on the show for a reason whether it’s to make money like the catch or to increase their followers on Glamstapix (Instagram knockoff) or to spread the word (yeah there’s a religious nut). Renee and Mike are the two exceptions to this. Renee because she’s just going through the motions and riding the wave with no real direction and Mike because he was probably the purest and most genuine person AND because he was the only one actually murdered.

The other character you’re supposed to identify with and feel empathy toward is Patricia. Allen did a great job of writing up the horror and comedy aspects, but the thrilling and terrifying moments when we start to interact with Patricia were probably the most well written. From the almost car crash to the figure in the woods or even the last few scenes they were all so eerie and creepy until Maggie explains almost everything and Renee figures it out.

I wish there was a bit of explanation about who the people were with Maggie or a bit of focus on the group protecting Patricia, but leaving us in the dark does make it seem that little bit more this-could-be-real, as all sasquatch legends are. The jump forward at the end of the novel (the epilogue, if you will even though it wasn’t labeled that way) was a nice little addition and made me laugh seeing it all being set up again.

Allen had a distinct voice and did a great job writing multiple characters from the ditzy yet business savvy to the cunning and sexual to the reformed religious southern belle, but she really excelled with the nefarious-seemingly-bored with the world group that protects Patricia even though we spend the least time with them.

Recommendation: This was a fascinatingly weird read that once I got into kept me engaged. It was a final girl murder thriller meets an urban legend meets a pop culture satire that somehow worked and had quite a lot of comedy and humor infused. Allen did a great job weaving all the stories together even if as I finished the book I just wanted more details about why they were doing what they were doing, how Patricia got there, and how they successfully kept law enforcement from finding out what was really going on. I’m not sure I’ll seek out Allen in the future, but I’m glad I branched out.

*I received a copy of Patricia Wants to Cuddle via NetGalley in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “Margaret Davies scrubs and scrubs but she knows she’ll just have to refinish the deck.”

Closing Line: “‘Well, if you’re not afraid of lady Bigfoot,’ she says, pulling out one of the dusty brochures from the countertop display, ‘I know the perfect spot.'” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)