Book 734: It’s a Steal – Arden O’Keefe

This is not a good book. It is not well written (story or characters) and it is definitely not well edited (any type, but especially copy or developmental). The shocking part, to me at least, is that I have to assume the author has paid an editor (listed in the front matter) AND a promotional group (Gay Romance Reviews) to produce this “final copy” version and I’m still writing this scathing commentary on it.*

If I were the author and read what I’m about to write, I’d demand my money back from the editor and politely ask the promotion company to pause all promotions while I paid someone else to re-edit it. But take my response for what it’s worth, the other Goodreads reviews have all rated it 3-5 stars and complemented the “cute story”.

I got conned into reading this by my own weakness for a cute(ish) guy in glasses. I mean he’s holding a book for f*cks sake, of course I was going to say yes. Hello, Kryptonite, I wanted to be completely weak and doing stupid shit like reading this, #obvi. That and the blurb was surprisingly well written. Who wrote the blurb? Get them to write the book—or maybe get them to read the book and offer the feedback? SOMETHING needed to change.

I now have serious concerns about whether Gay Romance Reviews does any sort of quality control checking or if they just move forward with anyone who hires them. This book does not reflect well on the author, the editor, or the promotion company, but I will give some credit to the cover artist and blurb writer, because they somehow got my attention.

To be 100% honest, as if I haven’t been so far, I should have DNF’ed this book. It was that bad. It would’ve been the first one in 10 years of blogging and over 730 books read. At first, I thought the it was me. I started the book late at night after a long day, and when it wasn’t making sense and I thought I was seeing errors on every page, I decided to go to sleep and start again the next day. It didn’t improve and if possible somehow got worse.

There was lot wrong with this book: the story was mediocre at best; there were so many genre and trope mashups that I wasn’t sure what was going to happen in each chapter; the pacing was incredibly erratic with time leaps and drawn out scenes; the characters had no depth; and I’m still trying to figure out whether O’Keefe is a native English speaker (see the quotes from Chapter 10) and whether the quotes I’m going to drop below are a result of the author or oversight of a poor editor:

Not that he could see the person’s face, but he knew every customer of his who frequented his café, Ed was just that good. This was not someone he had seen before, but he was curious to know as hell. (Chapter 1)

He was suddenly talking to himself. Luckily, people passing by were too busy staring at their smartphones, consumed by their virtual worlds as they walked down the sidewalk, so nobody paid attention to the madman loudly reproaching himself.” (Chapter 4)

If your mother was still been alive, she’d be so disappointed in you young man. (Chapter 4)

‘I’m almost about to forget how handsome you are. Would have loved to be reminded,’ he quickly typed, and hit the send button, before he could change his mind. That was more likely to happen, but, damnit! (Chapter 6)

He’d felt the nerves bothering him, ever since he’d woken, and he did wake way too early than he’d usually would, paced his bedroom for an hour, trying to figure out whether bringing Dean to his concert, when they were just getting to know each other, was a good idea or not. (Chapter 7)

The past two days as he worked on tracking down Dandy and his pals, the only thing that kept him sane were the Mercy Boys soundtrack that he’d found online. (Chapter 10)

Putting on some Mercy Boys band songs on his laptop in the background, and listening to Shade of Gold several times on a loop, he managed to clean up the mess inside his apartment. (Chapter 10)

Now take those roughly 300 words and multiply it times 10 and you’ve got this book. It. Was. Rough. And you can start to see why I’m questioning both the native language of the author AND the skills of the editor.

I dropped the above quotes into Word just for shiggles and while technically they are all correct when you read them out loud and for context it is perplexing as hell why any of these made it through the proof-reading stage let alone a copy-/line-editing stage. Maybe that’s all the editor did? Or maybe the author overrode any suggestions made. Either way, the end result is not good.

The one thing I was actually hoping for and holding out for that might’ve rescued the book and given it a second star from me would’ve been a lack of sex scenes after reading this early in the book:

As they walked from one block to another, and then some more, he kept feeling that any moment, Ed was going to stop and face him—look deep into the depths of his eyes—then unable to resist his carnal urges, he’d push him toward one of the alleyways, crash his body against the wall, and closer to his hard chest as he’d lean in closer, then capture his lips in a mind-blowing kiss. (Chapter 4)

Not only was it cringe worthy, but it just didn’t make sense. A poorly written throw away masturbation scene happened not long after this adding to my dread of a full-on sex scene later in the novel. I seriously kept mumbling, please don’t let there be a sex scene as I crossed all of my fingers (and toes). Unfortunately, luck was not with me and I got to experience a cringe-worthy horribly written sex scene that peaked with this awkward line at one of the most intimate moments:

Dean nodded and blew a heavy breath out of his mouth, bracing himself. He felt the tip of Ed’s cock touch his butthole, and then it entered. (Chapter 10)

Who does that?! Who drops “butthole” into ANY scene that doesn’t include four-year-old kids antagonizing each other, let alone a sex scene?! If I would’ve been drinking something I totally would’ve done a spit-take because it was that bad. And what little flow the sex scene had was completely disrupted. Let’s just say the only good thing that can be said about the sex scene and the novel is that both were incredibly short.

Recommendation: NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. This book needs some heavy editing (developmental, copy, line) and proof reading. Editing aside the story was poorly written with tangled and abandoned plot lines. All of the characters were laughable, with the protagonists barely believable. The heat leading up to the one cringe-worthy sex scene (thankfully in the final chapter) was lukewarm at best. Frankly, I should’ve DNFed this book. I don’t regret it, but reading over this and thinking about how much of a slog it was to read the (thankfully very short) book, I should’ve broken my 10 year 730+ book streak of not DNFing a book, it might’ve been kinder to the author, editor, and publicity team. Looking at the other Goodreads reviews, maybe it’s just me—maybe I just have high expectations of well written and well edited MM romance that I’ve just come to expect so much more and this is a fine read. Maybe I’m just a butthole (and yes that’s a dig).

*I received a copy of It’s a Steal via Gay Romance Reviews in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “The scent of a freshly brewed coffee filled Edric’s nostrils as soon as the liquid hit the mug.”

Closing Line: “What more could a guy really ask for?” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)