Book 946: Just by Looking at Him – Ryan O’Connell

If I’m 100% honest I first was drawn to this book because of the cover art, a cropped version of Henry Scott Tuke’s The Critics (Wikiart link). Tuke does water like no one else and they pumped up the blues and greens on the cover.

Then when you add the title of the painting to what the main character does for a living: mind blown. So THEN I realized this was the same Ryan O’Connell who created, wrote, and starred in Special on Netflix, and of course, I requested a copy.*

Just by Looking at Him is the story of Eliot a TV scriptwriter, who happens to have cerebral palsy, and is trying to destroy his own life through addiction (pills before the book starts, alcohol and sex as the book takes place) rather than sort out his image issues and what he wants in his life.

The best part of the book was the humor. From the opening line until about 85-90% of the way through O’Connell uses humor to deflect from Eliot’s issues whether it’s around how he views himself, his friends, his work, or his dad. And it’s genuinely funny and snarky and I found myself laughing both because it was funny but also because huge chunks of it were spot on and I felt called out by some, thankfully I don’t eat brunch—I don’t get it—but I do love Robyn:

Did a black trans woman really throw the first brick at Stonewall so cis white gays could eat $26 eggs Benedict as they unpacked the new Robyn album? (Chapter 14)

The bulk of the story revolves around Eliot’s relationship with Gus, his first long-term boyfriend and you could claim this is a seven-year-itch-type novel because it is but O’Connell brings so many additional details and nuances to it that it moves beyond that. At some point, they decide to bring in a sex worker, River, who unbeknownst to Gus, Eliot has been seeing among others. This leads to the ultimate downfall of them as a couple with Eliot calling out everything wrong with their relationship, deflecting back on Gus the issues he has with his disability. As sad as it was to read, it lead to the best part of the novel.

We didn’t really get to know Eliot until after the break-up when he began to form a somewhat stable friendship with his boss Ethan, an over-the-top emotionally abusive gay man who runs the TV show and went through his break-up earlier in the novel. And then even more so when he connects with Jonas, someone he knew from his past who also has cerebral palsy.

How do you describe a magical place like Provincetown? It’s like if someone painted the perfect picture of a quintessential New England seaside town. And that someone also happened to be really gay and horny. Husbands and wives eat ice cream with their children right next to a group of leather gays. You can see beautiful pieces of art, eat your saltwater taffy, and then mosey on over to a place called the Dick Dock, which is pretty self-explanatory. In P-town (okay, I’m a local!), the wholesome coexists with the hedonistic. You can bring your dad one week and your daddy the next. (Chapter 60)

As they connect, we see a lot more of who Eliot can be as he learns to live confidently in who he is and stops seeing sex workers, and eventually starts to get sober. It’s not easy and it strains his one stable relationship, with his dad, but they eventually work it out and the book ends on a high and hopeful note.

The biggest critique I have of the book isn’t a critique, but more of a thought about O’Connell and his writing. I think he’s an excellent and hilarious writer, but I wonder what would happen if he pushed himself out of his comfort zone of semi-auto-biographical stories. There’s absolutely no reason he needs to because there can never be enough own voice stories, especially with disabled LGBT characters (honestly can’t think of another), but I still wonder what he’d come up with. He clearly writes great characters of all abilities and races (we’ll say sort of on gender his female characters were 50/50 for me on Special). Yeah, I just want to see what all he can do, but if he wants to stick in this lane and represent his own voice forever I’m here for that too!

Recommendation: This was a delightfully hilarious book that made me laugh throughout and then gaze wistfully into the distance as the book ended. O’Connell takes his protagonist, Eliot on a journey through substance abuse and sex addiction, to one of loving exploration with someone who will hopefully provide the perfect equal partnership he craves forever. There were definitely some darker points in the novel emotionally and some characters grated, but that was O’Connell’s intention. I can’t wait to see what he writes next.

*I received a copy of Just by Looking at Him via NetGalley in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “My boyfriend Gus has a beautiful penis.”

Closing Line: “This could be my life if I allowed it.” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)