Book 839: Playing the Palace – Paul Rudnick

Two in a row that I really wanted to like more than I did. After devouring Red, White & Royal Blue last year and reading various other royal MM Romance novels here and there of course I was going to seek this one out when I heard about it.

The story wasn’t bad, it was well written and would adapt to a movie easily, but where I really struggled was the characters and their voices. I’m not surprised to see it on a list with books like Jay’s Gay Agenda and Yes, Daddy, others which I felt were written more to be adapted for screens than as books themselves. (And full disclosure this did not stop me from adding The Sky Blues to my hold list at the library which is on the same list :-D)

It took me WAY too long to get into the first few chapters because of how Rudnick wrote Carter’s, the American protagonist, POV. It just didn’t click with me and there were a few times where I thought about giving up, but knew if I powered through I’d get to the good stuff. But first I had to wade through a lot of nonsense, like this:

In order to grab even an hour’s sleep I asked Ruth Ginsburg if she thought Edgar and I had any conceivable future. She replied, ‘Sweetheart, you had a momentary encounter with a prince, and if there’s one immutable law of the universe, it’s that princes don’t end up with associate event architects from New Jersey. The proof of this is that you’re under the covers in your Hell’s Kitchen bedroom making up a conversation with a photograph. But maybe the universe let you meet Prince Edgar to give you a nudge and remind you to get back out there. Are you even listening to me, or are you already watching porn on your laptop? Why do I even bother?’ (31)

Don’t get me wrong, I can see the humor in it and there were definitely many humorous quotes that made me legit LOL:

“So, Carter, let me understand this musical theater nonsense—you’re being gay for credit, right?” (13)

“I love the way Miriam looks, because it’s not based on anything human; she’s going for German Expressionism or Kabuki sheet cake.” (86)

“Wonderful because an English person talking dirty can be very hot, as if a Jane Austen character snarled, ‘You really like that, don’t you? Why don’t you beg me?'” (100)

“The key to defeating Queen Catherine’s nightly surveillance was to face her down and say, ‘Your Majesty, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and perform fellatio on His Highness. Someone has to do it.’ The first time I did this she was speechless, then threw up her hands, hissed, ‘Charming,’ and let me pass.” (193)

But when they outweigh everything else and distract from the core relationship of the novel, I get tired really quickly. Even though that last one killed me, I can’t imagine saying that to anyone, let alone the Queen of England.

My favorite characters by far (including Edgar and Carter) were James, Edgar’s valet, and Louise, Carter’s anarchist roommate/friend. They both had depth and stories and their commentary was so polar opposite, but added the same humor and value and just made the book better. James’ story told in less than two pages was heartbreaking and served to kick Edgar and Carter in gear. And that led to this gem:

‘That fucker, said Louise, with tears in her eyes. ‘It’s so not fair. When someone says I love you, you should be given twenty-four hours to consult with your union representative.’ (240)

So yeah, when minor characters upstage the protagonists you know there are a few problems with the book.

The sex scenes were more fade to curtains and jump to afterglow than on the page, which was perfectly fine and scream made for TV movie, but Rudnick’s writing depended way too much on the humor and comedy and after a while it just got tiring.

Recommendation: If you can get through the first few chapters and/or live and die for a super scatterbrained disorienting protagonist this book is for you. If not, you may want to pass. There were definitely moments that I could feel myself truly enjoying the book and I laughed so many times, but overall, I just wasn’t as in love with the book as I wanted it to be. And yet, I still adored the final scene in it’s over the top-ness and Carter’s ridiculous family somehow made it better.

Opening Line: “It’s still weird, waking up alone.”

Closing Line: “So I let myself believe that this was my life, or at least a fabulous beginning. I let myself be in love.” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)

Additional Quotes from Playing the Palace
“Dear God, I began, and I didn’t worry if I was talking to myself or if God existed or what religion he favored, or if “he” was even an acceptable pronoun, or if it should be capitalized. I was talking to God because, like so many other people, I needed to, and that need makes God real.” (7)

“I want to know I’m in love, no, not even know it—I want to understand why it’s called being in love. I want to be overwhelmed by the miracle of another human being. Love is like God—it’s the place where need and rumor and dreams become something else entirely, something sacred, something beyond questions or arguments or therapy. Ruth Ginsburg and chocolate and oxygen and God and love: the real things.” (7)

“I looked at him and couldn’t help myself. I smiled, reluctantly at first and then unable to suppress a grin. It wasn’t my fault or my choice: Prince Edgar of England had commanded me to smile, it was a royal decree and he was smiling right back. We were like two happy toy soldiers, having come to life and marched off the shelf at midnight, about to salute each other and then tear off our uniforms and do so much more, which was an image I definitely needed to suppress, because it was insane and pornographic and not in my job description.” (24)

“‘Thank you. Totally.’ Totally? Did I have an armload of scrunchies and a troll doll sticker on my phone?” (41)

“I work out harder during periods of heartbreak, because it’s one of the few things I can control. If you see somebody who’s suddenly in shape, it usually means that the rest of their life is in tatters.” (53)

“This was new. I’d never been vetted, and found wanting, by the Queen of England before. And I’d never seen Edgar so tormented. And I was feeling interestingly powerful.” (57)

“My life was a mash-up of live-action fairy tale, queer rom-com and a video game encapsulating elements of both.” (122)

“I loved becoming part of Edgar and James’s conversations; they were a slightly more queer version of Kirk and Spock, or Luke Skywalker and Yoda after a few martinis. (I could conjure James instructing Edgar to use the Force, to fold a fitted sheet).” (126)

“If the Ogdens had a coat of arms it would depict a Swiffer crossed with a can of Lemon Pledge and the motto Don’t Embarrass Me, in both Latin and Hebrew.” (127)

“I don’t hate sports because I’m not man enough or because I never played catch with my dad or because I’ve never given them a chance. I hate sports because I’m sane and have taste and know that going to the gym is about being able to wear a T-shirt to brunch afterward. Of course I’ll aggressively cheer for a victorious female soccer team led by lesbians and honored with a ticker tape parade. But that’s as far as I go.” (135)

“‘I’m not a prude. I’ve enjoyed a robust physical life. But there’s far more to a successful relationship than merely, what is that phrase you younger people use? Hooking on?’
‘Hooking up.’
‘Which sounds like some uninviting form of knitting or crochet. Yes, lovemaking has its appeal, but it’s far from the entire equation. And from what has been reported, your attendance at a rugby match earlier today resulted in a squalid and extended display of sexual excess.'” (148)

“‘You’re not going anywhere, strumpet,’ she gloated.
Strumpet? Now I was a strumpet? Was she strumpet-shaming me? And doesn’t ‘strumpet’ sound more like a French dessert or some bold-new-taste American corn chip?” (149)