Book 812: The Step Back – J.T. Bushnell

I wasn’t sure what to expect with this. I saw a meh review (that was still four stars) on Goodreads so that definitely made me hesitant to start. But, I’d already told the publisher I’d take a look at it, so I did.*

The Step Back is the story of Ed Garrison. There’s not a lot that happens other than he grows the f*ck up. It sounds weird saying it’s that simple—sure it’s a two-year period in his life is full of upheaval and maturing faster than he want—but in essence that’s what it is.

I definitely enjoyed it more than I thought I would, I’ve never been a big fan of the white male teen having a woe-is-me moment (Catch-22, The Great Gatsby, etc., you know the books, all the ones most guys say are their favorites . . . bleh), but Bushnell’s writing and descriptions really brought this one up a level or two for me. Add in that it’s through the lens of basketball/sport and I was like meh we’ll see how it goes.

I thought of all the versions of myself I’d left in this landscape, then wondered, as I often did, about the version that lay just beyond its horizon: Who is he? (Chapter 1)

I was surprised at how much I appreciated Bushnell’s writing about and description of sports. I could see the moves even though I had no clue what they were by technical name. And the moment Ed realized he wasn’t good enough to walk on to the team, the crux of is idiotic decision to go to the school he did, there was a universality of that moment that anyone who has gone to any college thinking they’ll change/excel with minimal effort can identify with.

The part of the story that I felt was most well written was the relationship between Ed and his younger brother Charlie. There was just something so visceral in the descriptions of how Charlie changed and their interactions before and after Ed goes to college. Sure, there were definitely some great moments with his mom (including the concluding scene) because of her coming out as a lesbian later in live and “ruining their family” that moved me, but really it was the heartbreak of “losing” his brother and then the hope in his last appearance that they might be able to patch everything up.

It’ll be nice for me to be near your aunts and uncles, and also to be near the capital. There’s some important advocacy work being done there that I’d like to join, things that were unimaginable in the days of Stonewall, although we still have a long way to go—a long way. Do you boys know who Matthew Shepard is? (Chapter 3)

The romantic relationships Ed had all felt like throwaways, and that includes his landlord Tanya, which as I was reading would be the most important one to take away, even though it wasn’t. Other than forcing him to grow up from a conversational perspective and helping him along with his (hetero)-sexual awakening it was just a device to provide the various conflicts Ed needed to grow-the-f*ck-up.

It dawned on me that she had a bleak view of the world only because she expected it to treat her perfectly. In that regard she was a lot like Danielle. The difference was that she would rather complain about the world’s flaws than fix them. She would rather look good in a bad world than look bad in a good one. (Chapter 13)

In addition to the detritus of relationships which Ed leaves behind and the few individuals he ends up interacting with once he’s matured, the best part of the story was the setting. Bushnell really put the reader into the story with the description of the rundown town Ed ends up going to school in, the dilapidated condition of both his rental and his home when he returns, and the beauty of the sequoia trees and vastness of the northwest coast that made me wish I had spent more time seeing nature when I visited Oregon.

Recommendation: Definitely worth a read. It starts off a little slow but constantly builds. I’m not the biggest fan of white cis-hetero male coming of age stories, but this one definitely had a bit more for me to connect with for some reason even though I’m not a big sports person and have spent minimal time on the west coast.

*I received a copy of The Step Back from the publisher via Edelweiss in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

Opening Line: “Our dog ran away in May, after the spring rainstorms had raised tall grasses on the foothills and washed the sky so hard and blue that a fly ball might have shattered it.”

Closing Line: “We knew the world was still out there behind its screens—we could smell the salty ocean, we could hear the waves crash and effervesce, we could see the shells and driftwood and half-crumbled castles emerge from the mist—and we felt warm and well-protected as we walked, enjoying ourselves in the diminishing light of a sun that still shined brightly somewhere beyond our observation.” (Whited out to avoid spoilers, highlight to read.)

Additional Quotes from The Step Back
“When the game ended, I drifted into conversation with the girl sitting next to me, a columnist named Brittany Mercer. She was a senior, slim and well-tanned, her bleached hair styled to look like ramen noodles.” (Chapter 4)

“I filled his food and water dishes, washed my hands, made eggs, showered, shaved, and then set myself up on the futon with a mug of coffee, plucking my bookmark from the Jane Austen I’d picked up, having grown suddenly tired of Camus.” (Chapter 9)